Pink Floyd - If

April 20 2022

So here we are again. It's certainly time for another blog post again! How're you all doing?

As for me, it's my birthday again! 23. The number that had always meant something to me for no clear reason. This is it now, the year I have been dreaming about for so long and I just don't know why. The only thing I do know is that I don't want my dreams to end up in vain. This *is* going to be my year. I do not want to continue living some sort of double life. I don't care how long this transcare waiting list will stay, this is the year I'm going to socially transition completely. It must.

Other than that, my study basically started again today after some months off, so that's fun. I have many new sources now to share my life on this site since my last blog post, like my montly project diary and my sketchbook journal, and that certainly helped me keep my focus. I really enjoy how this site has come along and how it's continuing to grow. I have heard some very excited news a few days ago but I am not yet able to share that, you'll definitely hear about it in my next post though! Life changing stuff, in a good way.

I spent this year so far on some fun projects you can read about in the project diary, other than that not much of significans has happened yet. I messaged some old good friend again for the first time in 2 years and now we're hanging out again, that's something I'm very happy about. Overall I'm certainly doing good! Just feeling like I'm about to push the snowball down now, let's try to aim it in a nice direction.

I may not always share it, but I am very grateful of the family and friends I still have, and I am thanking you for reading this post. I wish you the best, enjoy the rest of your day and until next time!

December 25 2021

It's christmas time again! My last blog post was all the way back in May, and because I did a blog post at christmas last year aswell, this felt like a fitting day to write a new one ^-^

So yes, there has been a lack of blog posts this year, but what even happened to 2021? It feels like the year just started and it's already over? I prefer to write only when I got meaningful things to say, and this year flew by so fast I honestly barely had a thing to say. Let me take this oppertunity to reflect on the year.

At the start of this year we got our new dog Luna! She fitted in with the family extremely well and she grew up so fast! We went to the beach a lot with our dogs and also organized walks with other scottish terriers around the country.

Talking about the beach, this summer I got a job at a beachclub! At first I worked as a waitress and also behind the bar, but later on I got made in charge of the takeaway bar outside and the rental of the surf- and supboards. This meant I had nothing to do with the stress happening inside of the club and I had a very relaxed job of just watching the sea waiting for costumers. It was a lot of fun ^-^

Near the end of this year my saturday job at the electronics store sadly came to a stop, as the store closed down. The owner got a burnout for some months and at the end decided to close the store. I have worked here since 2014, so it feels a bit strange to suddenly no longer have to go there every Saturday.

My plans for a next job are in the architecture industry. At the start of next year I will have nothing to do for my study for a quarter of a year, so I think it will be fun to get a taste of what it's like to actually do the work I study for. ^-^ As for my study, I am very happy that I finally got to have physical lessons again after a year of working from home. I loved working on real models again and meetings other students in person. It did shock me a bit just how big my social anxiety actually is though. Suddenly being confronted with it after not having had to deal with it for a year is heavy...

As for my trans journey, this year I got the devistating news that the transcare company I was on a waiting list for went bankrupt. After a lot of calling with my insurance I finally came to some solution which in the best case scenario would mean I still need to wait around 9 months, but to be honest I really doubt that's going to happen. Last month I had my last meeting with my therapist who I really loved talking with. At the start of next year I will start at a new, more focused place, and hopefully I will get some good therapist RNG once again.

Of the top of my head those are the important things that summarize this year, but surely there are a lot of things that I forgot. I would love to say that it was a good year but to be honest it barely even felt like a year passed by at all. I hope 2022 will become a good year, the last 2 months I am trying to get into a new mindset where I really work on improving myself into becoming the person I want to be, so I have good hopes ^-^. Thank you so much for reading my blog post! I genuinely wish you the best, and I hope you will enjoy the rest of your day! Bai :3c

May 4 2021

It is now exactly 1 year since my pneumothorax surgery, and also just over a year ago that Alfa passed away. My last update was a while ago so I figured it was time to write a new blog post.

The last few months I have been terribly busy with my architecutre study, many days where I work from 9am till 3am with about 2 hours of breaks. However, I am now at the point where I am redoing the subject I had to miss because of my surgery last year, and that means that I only have 1 subject atm, and thus finally more free time to relax and reflect. I did have a lot of fun working on all the uni projects, it just took a lot of time and energy. One of the projects was supposed to be the big trip of my study to Budapest, however due to covid that couldn't happen and we had to do it from home instead. I am a bit bummed about that but we made the best we could out of it.

In my last blogpost I mentioned how I think I may be trans. Since then I have been going to a therapist often and I am getting more and more confident each day that I am indeed a girl ^-^ I also came out to my parents and my brothers by now! For my birthday 2 weeks ago I got my first girl shirt and omgggg I love it soo much it's amazing. The waiting list for trans care in The Netherlands is terrible though so it will be a while before I can make the big steps I want to be taking. I did start to grow my hair atleast so that's something :3 On another positive note:

As mentioned at the start of this blog post it is just over a year since my dog Alfa passed away. My other dog Noa has been alone for a year now :c but not for any longer! Next Friday a new pup will be joining our family! Say hello to Luna!! (and Noa is in the pic too, they already met!)

So life is moving on a positive ride atm, despite the circumstances. I am currently working on a webstory which I hope to finish soon which would bring a whole new cool section to my website! Stay tuned for that!

There's probably stuff I missed but I never plan these out, I just sit down and write it in one go, and I also try to keep them short. Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you have a wonderful day and I will see you at my next blog post, whenever that may be! Cya ^-^

December 25 2020

So this time it has really been a while since my last blog post. It's christmas today so I guess this will be a nice moment to reflect on everything I never wrote down.

The year has been crazy, but honestly Covid never was the main thing on my mind. The start of the year was very hectic with my pneumothorax surgery, the passing away of my dog and other things causing me to have to drop a subject for my study, meaning my study will have to take half a year longer than planned. After the surgery it was a good 2 months before I really started to get back to being myself, so it feels like I practically missed out on summer and year flew by even faster than it normally would have felt.

After that at the end of the summer when I started to get some more energy and wanted to work I was denied at practically every job I applied at, because they had lots of applications but not that many spots. In the end however I decided to freelance myself and started working on Fiverr, and this has been an amazing choice to make as it worked out far better than I could have ever imagines it to. It's something that I do till this day and I'm really grateful for how it's going. I am making models for VTubers which can also be used inside of VRchat. I don't know if I'll keep doing this but for now I'm still enjoying it a lot.

And then the part which occupied the 2nd half of this year until now.. I have been having a lot of thoughts and stress about gender things.. at this point I am really quite convinced that I'm MtF transgender. I already told my parents and they reacted well to it, I also went to a doctor and I'm now on a waiting list for further help, but due to long waiting lists this will take atleast a year. Maybe I can write more about this in my 2021 Christmas blog, heh. You can find more over here but it's a W.I.P. page.

There's probably a lot more that I missed and I forgot to write here, but I always try to keep my blog posts short so people will not feel discouraged to read them. On that note thank you so much for reading this! I hope you have a wonderful christmas despite the limitations that we have to go through, and that 2021 will be a much better year for all of us. I really appreciate you, enjoy your day!

July 24 2020

It's been a while since my last blog post, and it appears to be time for a new one :D


I'm basically fully recovered! At this point I can do bike rides of over an hour long without getting any more tired than usual. My surgery wounds did go bad last month and sadly won't become the best looking scars, but it is how it is I guess. I'm just glad to feel back to normal and like I can actually do stuff again.

I finished my paper I was writing for my uni and 2 days ago I got my feedback and mark. I passed with the near maximum score and my teacher asked if he's allowed to use the document as in introduction to the subject I wrote about when he's talking with fellow architects and policy makers. For those curious, I wrote about droughts during the summers in The Netherlands. If they will become more common in the future, which damages it can bring to architecture and what architects can do to prevent those damages. I'm seriously glad that I was able to finish this subject and thus my first year at this uni despite my health conditions I had to deal with.

2 weeks ago I got a VR headset after getting a PC that can actually run VR last month. I honestly got no words for the experiences I had so far in it, it's just bizzare. I recreated my real life room inside of it and it's incredible how well those 2 words can blend. I also found out that virtual reality can seriously help you with lucid dreaming. I don't think this interests many people so if you're curious just send me an email ^-^


Other than that, today is my oldest brother's birthday! :3. I myself am just enjoying life at the moment, enjoying my little summer break and finishing my recovery. THank you for reading my blog post, have a wonderful day!

May 25 2020

Today I returned to the hospital for a check on my lungs and they are A-OK! It is now 100% attached to the surface so this means I won't have to deal with this pneumothorax stuff any longer.

As for my recovery, I've been relatively good the last 2 weeks that I'm home now. I'm slowly building up to be able to do more, but I'm still really limited overall. We are definitely getting there!

Other than that, today I finally finished filling in all the pages in the art section of this website! ^-^. This means that the website is now finally truly finished. From now on I will only have to add stuff to it. I really am proud of what I created here and this corner of the interwebs has started to feel really comfortable to me. Because I finished my site now, and because I'm starting to feel quite good again, from tomorrow I will finally pick up on my study again and try to catch up on what I missed.

That's all I had to say for today really, it's a short update but it's one I felt like doing. Once again, thank you for taking interest in me and feel free to send me an email if you would like to get in contact. Cya!

May 12 2020

I'm back from the hospital!

I had to stay there for 9 days in total, and I was in the best care I could hope for. Every single member of the staff was an absolute angel, even the simple cleaners were too sweet for this world. The surgery itself went well, it was just like falling asleep at night and waking up in the morning. I was removed from the waking up room way sooner than expected since I was fully at senses as soon as I was awake. Let me tell you time did fly while I was there though. Had amazing talks about old music with an equally old man who only knew how to be sarcastic, best man to wake up next to ever. <3

For the first few days I was attached to like 4 or 5 tubes, one being a painkiller directly in my back which worked sooo good... until it became too much and they had to remove it. When it was removed I had what felt like the biggest hangover of my life x10 during the entire day, it was not good :c Stuff really went downhill from there. The first 2 days after surgery were perfect but looking back now I simply was way too high on morphine to feel anything at all during that. Here's me while tripping on morphine.

What is interesting is that my visualization ability became extremely vivid while on morphine. I could basically lucid dream without being asleep, I even had vivid senses like touch.

When it went downhill I lost my will to eat anything and got tired fast. My lung did recover well though. Friday I was finally able to be out of bed for longer periods of time and Saturday for the first time ever I actually got bored which I was super happy about. Up to that point I was too busy being in pain or tired to even think about being bored. Simply recovering really does take all of your time Each minute that passed felt like a battle at some moments. During that bored day I decided to draw my room, which you can see above.

Sunday they finally removed my drain which was my last and most important tube, basically a 1.5cm wide tube which entered my chest and was constantly touching my lung, sucking air away inbetween the lung and chest area like some vacuum cleaner they stuck in me.

Now that I'm finally back home I do still have a long way to go, but despite the many moments where I didn't see how I was ever getting out of the hospital.. I'm out! I'm glad to be back home and I hope I will have more energy to do stuff soon.

So yea, most of my last week had been spent just staring at a wall and laying in bed for entire days. It was therapeutic in a way. Once again thank you so much for taking your interest in me and my site. From the bottom of my heart thank you and I hope you enjoy your day c: Until next time!

April 30 2020

Well here I am, writing my first blog. I honestly got no idea what to write so I'm just going to write my thoughts out and see what will happen.

Hi! It's me, Frisout. I am actually a 21 years old architect student from The Netherlands by now as I had my birthday last week, I guess I should update my About page after writing this. I wish I could say not much is happening these strange corona days but the opposite is true. Last week Tuesday sadly my pneumothorax came back, which is basically when your lung goes . I already had to deal with this half a year ago and it just returned. Next Monday I'll undergo a surgery to make sure it doesn't happen again. Yikes..

Other than that, last Monday night one of my dogs, Alfa, passed away in our company...

He was an amazing friend throughout more than half of my life so far and he'll truly be missed.. I hope you're having a blast of a time wherever you are now buddy.

Because of all the stuff I got going on atm I decided to drop one of the 2 subjects I got going on for my study atm. This means that my study will be extended by half a year but it just seems like the best choice I have atm. Life seriously turned a differnt way for me for a few weeks now and I find it hard to focus on anything right now. I just hope I will feel more like myself again soon and I'll be able to write a less depressing blog post here.. because I just realized just truly is not what you would want to read as a first blog post. I guess it just is how it is.

Thank you for taking your interest in my site for whatever reason. Know that you are loved and have a great day.